Stand By Me
by totalizzyness
Summary: Dean prays to Castiel. - Set after 8x19 [Taxi Driver] - warning for potential spoilers to anyone who hasn't seen.


Dean carefully and quietly pushed his door shut, twisting the lock into place, silently shuffling over to his record player. He gently pried his recently purchased Ben E King record from its sleeve, placing it on the turntable and moving the needle to the outer edge. As the record started up, Dean shucked his jacket from his shoulders, hanging it up on the hook on the back of his door. He sighed, running a hand over his face as he slumped down on the edge of his bed, the gravelly croons of Ben E King beginning to filter out of the muffled speakers.

Dean cleared his throat, anxiously glancing around his room. "Hey Cas… you there?"

_**No I won't be afraid, oh I won't be afraid. Just as long as you stand, stand by me.**_

"I could really do with a friend, Cas… I don't suppose you know what happened today, do you? Being M-I-A and all…"

"We got the second task… Sammy had to go to Hell to free an innocent soul. He had to go back there! All seemed to be going well, too, according to Sam… He got Bobby, Cas! Did you know he was in Hell?! I mean, he's not any more, but…

"They got stuck in purgatory. Crowley… and the reaper… and… my little brother was stuck in purgatory!"

_**Stand by me.**_

"But Benny…"

Dean chuckled humourlessly, rubbing the back of his hand against his wet eyes.

"You remember Benny… He saved my bacon a load of times, saved yours too! He… He was great, Cas. He went in after Sammy. He saved them… got them out through the portal… Good guy… Good friend… Great friend even…"

Dean sniffed, clearing his throat to stop his voice cracking.

"He uh… didn't make it back… He's still in there, Cas, being ripped to shreds for all I know… Deep down I knew he wasn't coming back… We talked… he said some things… we had a moment, Cas! Imagine! Me! Getting all… girly about my feelings, but… Y'know, I just knew… It was like you all over again… He didn't think he deserved a life up here…"

_**If the sky, that we look upon, should tumble and fall. And the mountains should crumble to the sea.**_

"I suppose, in the end… it's my fault. If I'd… If I'd just spent more time with him. Helping him… Showing him he deserved a life… then maybe…

"But that's just it, isn't it Cas. We all repeat our greatest mistakes… I failed you… And now Benny… Only two real friends I've had and I left you both to die…

"Maybe I'm not supposed to have friends. Maybe I'm just destined to be alone…"

_**I won't cry, I won't cry. No I won't shed a tear. Just as long as you stand, stand by me.**_

He cleared his throat, shuffling further back onto his bed.

"Anyway… I met that Naomi of yours… Manipulative bitch, isn't she… How stupid does she think I am? Tried to convince me she was worried about you… Tried to tell me you didn't care about me, but… we both know that's not true… right, Cas? She is wrong, isn't she?"

Dean paused, staring up at the ceiling as if he was expecting an answer.

"It's just…"

A tear finally leaked from Dean's eye, slowly rolling down his reddened cheek.

"I'm tired of everyone leaving me, Cas. First mom… Then Sam, then dad… Sam again… You, Benny, Bobby… Jo and Ellen… Everyone I care about leaves me…

"Benny… I could have helped him, Cas! I could have! He was doing well! But then… I left him… I left him to just deal with his issues by himself. Left him to fend for himself in a world of people out to get him. He did so much for me, and I just left him! And now… I was too late to save him… He didn't plan on coming back topside at all…

"Sammy… Sammy can't wait to get as far away from me as possible. I've fucked his life up in every way possible. He doesn't want to be around me. He doesn't want this life… If by some miracle he does make it out of these trials alive, then he's gone… Off, to go live a normal life… Just like he always wanted…

"Even Kevin can't stand to be around me."

_**So darling, darling, stand by me.**_

"And you… Cas… You… You can never get away quick enough. Zapping off after the apocalypse. I needed a friend, Cas! I'd just lost my brother, and you… You just left me!

"Then you came back, but you weren't you… Then you died! I lost you again… I had nightmares,y'know, about that day. I kept seeing your face… I couldn't save you.

"And then… fucking purgatory! I get why you did it, Cas, I really do, but… couldn't you have not zapped away instantly? I was scared man! For both of our safety! And I know you heard me… you heard how desperate I was to get you back! How could you think you deserved to stay in that place? You've lost so much, you don't need to repent, you don't need to do anything, but…

"I needed you, Cas… I still need you. I've told you so many times now, man, why are you not getting this? I don't need you to atone for your sins, I need you to be here, with me. I thought 'd failed you, Cas! I thought I'd left you to die again! And you… you let me think it!

"We could have worked something out! You… me… Benny… I mean, it seemed you two were even starting to get on! It could have been the three of us! We made such a great team… Sammy could have kept his domestic set up with… Amelia or whatever her name was…"

_**Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me.**_

Dean bit back a sob, covering it by clearing his throat again, wiping his face dry with the back of his sleeve.

"I'm here for you, Cas. Whatever you need. I just want to help! We've gotten caught in so many messes because we thought we couldn't trust each other, couldn't talk to each other…

"I trust you, Cas… I trust you to do what's right, but… please, man, come back to me. I need you here. I can't do this alone… I have no one… You've got to come back… or else I might do something stupid… like trust that Naomi bitch just to get you back… or… I don't know, Cas… But I can't do this any more. Not on my own. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for me. Not without you…

"I don't know what you want me to say, Cas. What do I have to say to get you back here? Do I have to tell you that if at the end of these trials I'm on my own, I don't have it in me to go on? I'm tired, Cas. I just can't any more. Not by myself…

"I need a friend, Cas… I need… you… please."

_**Stand by me.**_


End file.
